Dreams and stories

So last night I had a crazy dream about my dad. We were in the house I grew up in (which I dream about all the time) and we were all there to celebrate my mom getting married. All my relatives were there, even ones who have passed. My dad came in and it was as if he was still living and in the state he was in where he died- which means he was not allowed to even have a drop of alcohol...not even antiseptic mouthwash. I guess because of my mom remarrying he decided to show up to this party a little tipsy. In the dream he was emotional and giving a speech and telling my mom's brother-in-laws how much he loved them. It was sad I think because he felt like he was outside of the family now. Like he was looking in on something he wasn't apart of anymore. After that part, I remember he was sleeping in the old kitchen in a chair I really have seen him asleep in before. I woke him up and was asking him why he drank. I was so upset. I told him he was going to die now because his body couldn't handle it. In my dream we were reliving last moments together again. Except I remember questioning him a lot. I don't remember much from the dream except asking why. In the dream I remember laying with him in my bed which we also used to do when I had nightmares and couldn't sleep. I'd be squished againt the wall because it was a small day bed but I didn't care because I felt safe. It is interesting how I feel like I am connecting with him so often in my dreams. I had a feeling I was going to dream about him last night because in the new novel I'm reading, the main character's dreams were being controlled by immortals and that thought was probobly in my head still.
Tonight I went to my mom's house for dinner and I don't usually talk about this stuff around my brother but a lot of it came up. My mom is going to be going on her honeymoon and asked if either of us wanted to spend the week there to feed her cat. I said no because A: I'm allergic to the cat B: it hates me and would never come out to eat and C: because that apartment gives me the heebeejeebees. My brother asked about it and I told him I just get really uneasy when I am there overnight. He was telling me about ghosts in his apartment. That his girlfriend saw one when they first started dating and that he felt one sit near him. He also says he walks through random cold spots and I told him that was a sure sign of energy. Then Me, my brother, my mom, her fiance and my boyfriend we having a little conversation about random stuff. My mom's fiancee said that he has always tried to get attention of ghosts but has never experienced it. I thought, just like myself, he was trying too hard. My mom went on to talk about how people in Portugal often believed in witches and curses and she remembers talks of exorsisms. sheeeesh! I told her that animals can have a presence too! My cat, Sarah, died a few years ago and my mom said that she used to feel her jump on the bed after she passed but thinks it was just her imagination missing the cat....sure. :)

What color is my aura?

Interesting how things really seem to happen for a reason no matter how small. I don't like to do a lot of reading when I am in the middle of school. Van Praagh's book came to me before this trimester had started so that is how I was able to delve into it. The past few nights I have not been tired enough to sleep but I still didn't feel like reading in bed. Right before I hopped into bed I felt the urge to go grab a book that I bought in the fall. I really didn't know why I bought it...I think I really am a judge a book by its cover type... it was pretty hahaaa. It was burried under so much stuff and I think I had just forgotten about it but for whatever reason, it popped into my head. Friggin Aye! The very first page I turned to had a list of AURA COLORS and what they mean. I couldn't believe it. That has been some of the most interesting things I have been learning about. That magnetic field we all have around us. The main character is a psychic. She talks to her dead sister, can read people, see auras...you name it.
Auracolors.com says "the aura is an electromagnetic or energy field that radiates from all matter, although some matter is so dense and vibrates so slowly that it is often difficult to detect its aura. I see the aura as layers of beautiful, different-colored bands of light that surround you".

I want to know what mine is!

one of my favorite stories

So I love hearing everyone's stories and I would have never gotten to know this special side of people's lives unless this blog started. One of my favorites is Patty's.
Many, many years ago Patty lost a daughter which is a parent's worst nightmare. Every year on her birthday Patty and her husband would privately celebrate with lights strung up, cake... you name it. On that string of lights, there was one that did not light up (We all know that light... what a pain!). Even though the birthday party was a sore reminder of their loss, it was a celebration of a girl they missed. On one particular birthday the lights went up and of course that one light was still burnt out. In the middle of the "party" they looked up at the lights above the doorway where that one un-lit bulb was. Except for the first time, it was bright...their daughter was there. She was at her birthday party. She was with them.
Those are the types of stories I read in books that happen with mediums. This was an ordinary couple that recognized a sign. They really are all around us. Some of us look to hard. Patty's sister still waits for a sign from her father and it has been years since he passed. Maybe she looks too hard and looks in the wrong places. Patty, on the other hand, dreams of her father which is enough to feel connected.
My page is called SEARCHING FOR SIGNS. I titled the page way before I knew I would have any types of followers and what I have learned from reading and from talking to so many people is that YOU CANNOT SEARCH. You have to be patient and open. My cousin has been telling me that I cannot be scared or freaked out. Like any good thing worth waiting for, signs are the same.

tough times.

So we are approching the time of year where I first realized my dad was sick. It was Valentines Day last year when I stopped by his house to say hi and it seemed like he had a real bad cold or even the flu. I'm going through a lot of the crap that always seems to happen when someone dies... The course of action you wish you could have done or even the things you wish you said the last time you were with the person. This time of year, last year, I wish I could have told my dad not to take the tylenol and get to a doctor. I know the liver damage would have caught up to him eventually, but the tylenol poisoned his blood and sped up the process beyond belief. I wish I visited him in the hospital even MORE than I had when he was in Newport,becuase once he was in Boston the only day we were able to see him was the day his body went into shock. It sounds morbid, but I wish I stayed in the room when they turned off the machines on him and sang him a song which he always loved. I still feel good that I put his st.christopher pendant (the saint of travel)in his hand while he passed.
Now that I try to talk to him a lot, I wish I could have asked all the questions I could have when he was still here and I always ask that someday I will understand.
I always have to remember that these kinds of things happen to people everywhere all the time. It's incredible how much heartache we all walk around with.
For whatever reason this is my most personal blog and I apologize if some of you don't like it. Sometimes being sad is easier than always looking up. I had a dream about my Vavo a few days ago! It was so wonderful... She got out of a car and I just couldn't believe it was her. In the dream all I did was hug her over and over again.

AHHHH, class is starting.... got to go.
-J