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Hello!

It has been a long time since I have written on this blog but I do think about it all of the time. No new signs worth mentioning, but plenty of dreams. I also wanted to say hello to my Moscow and UK visitors!!! Luckily, things are going well for me. I believe I am too preoccupied with school and work to focus in on the sign searching, but I often get the feeling that there is still something more than we can see...

adios!

Hey all,

I'm not really sure who follows this but I am going to stop posting blogs. I feel like I can't give it the attention it would need to maintain and support all I'd like to say. Thanks for reading and you can always feel free to leave me a message or share your stories with me.

Don't stop looking :)
-J

Dreams and stories

So last night I had a crazy dream about my dad. We were in the house I grew up in (which I dream about all the time) and we were all there to celebrate my mom getting married. All my relatives were there, even ones who have passed. My dad came in and it was as if he was still living and in the state he was in where he died- which means he was not allowed to even have a drop of alcohol...not even antiseptic mouthwash. I guess because of my mom remarrying he decided to show up to this party a little tipsy. In the dream he was emotional and giving a speech and telling my mom's brother-in-laws how much he loved them. It was sad I think because he felt like he was outside of the family now. Like he was looking in on something he wasn't apart of anymore. After that part, I remember he was sleeping in the old kitchen in a chair I really have seen him asleep in before. I woke him up and was asking him why he drank. I was so upset. I told him he was going to die now because his body couldn't handle it. In my dream we were reliving last moments together again. Except I remember questioning him a lot. I don't remember much from the dream except asking why. In the dream I remember laying with him in my bed which we also used to do when I had nightmares and couldn't sleep. I'd be squished againt the wall because it was a small day bed but I didn't care because I felt safe. It is interesting how I feel like I am connecting with him so often in my dreams. I had a feeling I was going to dream about him last night because in the new novel I'm reading, the main character's dreams were being controlled by immortals and that thought was probobly in my head still.
Tonight I went to my mom's house for dinner and I don't usually talk about this stuff around my brother but a lot of it came up. My mom is going to be going on her honeymoon and asked if either of us wanted to spend the week there to feed her cat. I said no because A: I'm allergic to the cat B: it hates me and would never come out to eat and C: because that apartment gives me the heebeejeebees. My brother asked about it and I told him I just get really uneasy when I am there overnight. He was telling me about ghosts in his apartment. That his girlfriend saw one when they first started dating and that he felt one sit near him. He also says he walks through random cold spots and I told him that was a sure sign of energy. Then Me, my brother, my mom, her fiance and my boyfriend we having a little conversation about random stuff. My mom's fiancee said that he has always tried to get attention of ghosts but has never experienced it. I thought, just like myself, he was trying too hard. My mom went on to talk about how people in Portugal often believed in witches and curses and she remembers talks of exorsisms. sheeeesh! I told her that animals can have a presence too! My cat, Sarah, died a few years ago and my mom said that she used to feel her jump on the bed after she passed but thinks it was just her imagination missing the cat....sure. :)

What color is my aura?

Interesting how things really seem to happen for a reason no matter how small. I don't like to do a lot of reading when I am in the middle of school. Van Praagh's book came to me before this trimester had started so that is how I was able to delve into it. The past few nights I have not been tired enough to sleep but I still didn't feel like reading in bed. Right before I hopped into bed I felt the urge to go grab a book that I bought in the fall. I really didn't know why I bought it...I think I really am a judge a book by its cover type... it was pretty hahaaa. It was burried under so much stuff and I think I had just forgotten about it but for whatever reason, it popped into my head. Friggin Aye! The very first page I turned to had a list of AURA COLORS and what they mean. I couldn't believe it. That has been some of the most interesting things I have been learning about. That magnetic field we all have around us. The main character is a psychic. She talks to her dead sister, can read people, see auras...you name it.
Auracolors.com says "the aura is an electromagnetic or energy field that radiates from all matter, although some matter is so dense and vibrates so slowly that it is often difficult to detect its aura. I see the aura as layers of beautiful, different-colored bands of light that surround you".

I want to know what mine is!

one of my favorite stories

So I love hearing everyone's stories and I would have never gotten to know this special side of people's lives unless this blog started. One of my favorites is Patty's.
Many, many years ago Patty lost a daughter which is a parent's worst nightmare. Every year on her birthday Patty and her husband would privately celebrate with lights strung up, cake... you name it. On that string of lights, there was one that did not light up (We all know that light... what a pain!). Even though the birthday party was a sore reminder of their loss, it was a celebration of a girl they missed. On one particular birthday the lights went up and of course that one light was still burnt out. In the middle of the "party" they looked up at the lights above the doorway where that one un-lit bulb was. Except for the first time, it was bright...their daughter was there. She was at her birthday party. She was with them.
Those are the types of stories I read in books that happen with mediums. This was an ordinary couple that recognized a sign. They really are all around us. Some of us look to hard. Patty's sister still waits for a sign from her father and it has been years since he passed. Maybe she looks too hard and looks in the wrong places. Patty, on the other hand, dreams of her father which is enough to feel connected.
My page is called SEARCHING FOR SIGNS. I titled the page way before I knew I would have any types of followers and what I have learned from reading and from talking to so many people is that YOU CANNOT SEARCH. You have to be patient and open. My cousin has been telling me that I cannot be scared or freaked out. Like any good thing worth waiting for, signs are the same.

tough times.

So we are approching the time of year where I first realized my dad was sick. It was Valentines Day last year when I stopped by his house to say hi and it seemed like he had a real bad cold or even the flu. I'm going through a lot of the crap that always seems to happen when someone dies... The course of action you wish you could have done or even the things you wish you said the last time you were with the person. This time of year, last year, I wish I could have told my dad not to take the tylenol and get to a doctor. I know the liver damage would have caught up to him eventually, but the tylenol poisoned his blood and sped up the process beyond belief. I wish I visited him in the hospital even MORE than I had when he was in Newport,becuase once he was in Boston the only day we were able to see him was the day his body went into shock. It sounds morbid, but I wish I stayed in the room when they turned off the machines on him and sang him a song which he always loved. I still feel good that I put his st.christopher pendant (the saint of travel)in his hand while he passed.
Now that I try to talk to him a lot, I wish I could have asked all the questions I could have when he was still here and I always ask that someday I will understand.
I always have to remember that these kinds of things happen to people everywhere all the time. It's incredible how much heartache we all walk around with.
For whatever reason this is my most personal blog and I apologize if some of you don't like it. Sometimes being sad is easier than always looking up. I had a dream about my Vavo a few days ago! It was so wonderful... She got out of a car and I just couldn't believe it was her. In the dream all I did was hug her over and over again.

AHHHH, class is starting.... got to go.
-J

waiting

So since I have been back in school, I have lost track of where I was going with this blog. Though I am a little unorganized at the moment, the thoughts and feelings stay with me all day everyday. I have been hearing so many wonderful and inspiring stories from those of you who have been following me. I love hearing them, but it only reminds me that I am still waiting to tell my own wonderful story. Sometimes I wonder if maybe certain people who have past just do not communicate with certain people. I just get frustrated like HELLO?! Can't my own dad see what I am going through?! Maybe my vavoa doesn't understand me because of a language barrier?
Today I was really thinking about that on my way in to class. It's bad to say I was spacing out a bit while I was driving, but hey it happens. I drive down the same road twice a week to get to class and I never really pay attention to the shops and restraunts. Literally out of the blue I looked left and saw a sign through tree branches. When my eyes focused I began to see "AL". I focused a little more and when I got closer the name of the place was called "AL's" and on top of the name was a budwiser ensignia. My dad finally dropped a little hello. :)

My creepy afternoon

So, I usually like to post things in chronological order and I have to rememebr details from a few weeks back, but I have to write about the day I had yesterday! It was just awful. Let's rewind to Monday night. I spent HOURS working on three assignments that were due on Tuesday for my grad classes. I finished up at about midnight and just didn't feel like getting up and walking three feet to my printer. So, instead I watched TV for a few more minutes and went to bed as usual. Then the morning struck. The computer that I have owned for the past two years just refused to work. It never even had an inkling of a problem and I take such good care of that damn thing making sure I don't download ratty stuff. A half and hour into the battle, I tried texting some people to help me and WHAT?! My phone made a sound I NEVER heard before and refused to send the messages. Then...and this is absolutely no joke, the tv picture started freezing up. I did not even know what to think. I turned off the tv, stepped away from the computer and looked at my usually trust phone like it was from outerspace. Now, I know from my reading that electronic devices are usually easy portals for ghosts to communicate through, but what the hell was this?! My cousin, Rick had actually brought this up while he came home to visit about a month ago so I know this is a common thing. How does all this stuff happen with no answer?! To make matters even more interesting, when I got into my car to go to class, my car was making the loudest screeching noise and it was not the brakes. ughghghghghgh very,VERY creepy afternoon.

Dreams

So, I have always been a really heavy sleeper as well as a vivid dreamer. For the past few months my dreams have seemed so real that I literally didn't know if those things had happened or I had dreamed them. I would ask people, "Did you tell me that...."? I really couldn't distinguish between my dreams and reality. Not only do I have vivid dreams, but I have reoccurring dreams. When I was very young I used to have a reoccurring dream that after my parents tucked me in at night they would leave the house and get on a boat where soon after they would get eaten by a shark. Weird right? I had that damn dream ALL the time!!! I have always dreamed about random people that I usuaually don't recognize but I did notice that after people have died I dream about them often. The first time this jumped out at me was when I was eleven. The last day of sixth grade, my good friend was hit by a truck while he was riding his bike. The driver was having a seizure at the time of the accident. One of the strange things I can't help thinking about is that he had given me a ride home on that bike that very afternoon. We all walked home from school and often hitched a ride on the pegs. That day we were all supposed to meet up. It was very sad...he was only 12. I had many, many dreams about him and thought about death so much that summer. I never thought about signs, but I felt like I was getting them. Seeing figures in clouds, white birds flying by. I remember thinking of "the other side" for the first time too. Will he age with us still? Can he see me right now while I am in the shower? The dreams were the worst. One in particular was set at the school we had just left. My friends and I were all running and laughing. I looked behind me and saw him standing there in all white close. He was saying "come with me". He began walking in the opposite direction and I slowly followed. He just kept saying "come with me". We eventually reached the top of a small hill. When we reached the top and said "stay with me". That dream obviously stuck with me and I think about him all the time. I dream about my grandmother every once in a while. My mom said she even walked by my room one night years ago and heard me speaking in Portuguese in my sleep. I have been having them about my father ALL the time. Not quite the same dreams but all the same theme... that he is still "living" even though he has died and everyone knows it. Often times he tells me to not tell everyone. It's like he is in hiding. Peaceful. Sometime I am crying when I wake up because I know that it my only chance to see him becuase I haven't receieved any messages from him. Part of me thinks that it's not his style to communicate with me from the other side but at least I have the dreams. One time during a nap... we were holding hands and it was so beautiful. Maybe it was poor circulation but that hand had tingles all over it while I was waking up. It was so beautiful.

Playing with Energy

In Van Praagh's book, energy is a central theme. We are engegy and so are ghosts. Ghosts are attracted to places where there are many people gathered because they thrive off of this energy. Van Praagh talks about becoming aware of the energy that we produce because our auras can attract haunting and even evil spirits. Beyond protecting ourselves, it is important to understand energy so that we can feel when a spirit is present. Most people notice a tempurature drop and this is very common (i.e. feeling a cold draft on the back of your neck). Tingling in limbs is also a sign that someone is with you. In order to get a sense of what energy feels like, I followed a simple excercise that was written in the book. I sat in a comfortable position with my arms laying loosly by my side. I lifted them over my head so that I could lower them slowly to just below shoulder height. With my eyes shut and a few deep breaths inhaled and exhaled, I slowly brought my hands together (palms facing inward). Van Praagh says that when your hands are about a foot apart you can feel something between your palms. It can be a tingling sensation or a magnetic force and I happened to feel the latter every time I tried. I could feel by palms bouncing away from each other just like magnets would of the same charge. It was a pretty cool first experience with energy and I learned that energy is how some ghosts communicate with us. In some cases ghosts can muster up enough energy to move objects, which often happens when something is really pressing. Ghosts do not want to harm the living but sometimes people think the opposite because of the raukis they can cause (slamming doors, creaking floors).
While I understand energy, it is a harder concept to materialize. How can I tell if a spirit is with me if I always have a tendency to be cold? What if that tingle is just poor circulation? Those are some of the newer things I need to be more open about.
Interestingly enough, Van Praagh says that we can send out our energies to the living as well which I believe has happened to most of us. This can be most evident when you are thinking of someone and they call you. I always think it is awesome when that happens! I seriously think this happened to me a few weeks ago with James Van Praagh himself. While I continued to read his book and read his stories I wished more and more that I could meet him myself. I wished I could fly out to California but that would not be possible with work, school, and oh yea... no money. I just wanted a sign from him which I wouldn't think to be possible since he is living. So here is the weird part. I took a little nap and when I woke up, the tv show The Ghost Whisperer was on. Now, I have never seen this show. I don't know what time it comes on or what channel airs it. I don't really watch many tv shows and no offense but I could care less about Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy. The odd part isn't about the plot of the show but who produces it. James Van Praagh himself is the creator of the show and based the program on a (medium)friend of his who I had just read about in the book. She speaks to earth bound* ghosts and so does the main charater in the show. I didn't know what to think about that whole experience but I felt like I was being heard.

Next blog: dreams
Blogs to come: Aunt Patty's beautiful sign and what cousin Rick knows.

**Earth bounds are ghosts that you would typically imagine thanks to movies (Translucent body, ability to appear and disappear,speaking). Earth bounds are "bound to the Earth" mainly because of unfinished buisness that needs to get tended to before they can pass on. This medium in particular can speak to Earth bounds and works with athorities to solve crimes! Van Praagh sees images of spirits who have passed over.

"Ghosts Among Us"

It has been about a month or so since I have recieved the book "Ghosts Among Us" by James Van Praagh from Lorraine. In this book, Van Praagh uses previous readings and his own experiences to illustrate the realness of ghosts and after life. I began reading the book at work (which is very difficult to do by the way), and could not put it down for the life of me. It was literally like an unquenchable thirst for information. I managed to read almost half of the book during the work day and I was glued to it at home as well. I hadn't been that excited about something I was reading since the twilight series, so this was a huge deal! In the beginning of the book it tells you that you will see the world with different eyes by the end of it and I found that to be true just after one chapter. I won't write all the things that interested me, or blew my mind because I would basically be summarizing every word and Mr.Van Praagh would have a problem with me if he ever happenes to read this. I will share this though; there is no end. We go on...love goes on. That message alone was enough to change how I see "life". We live for today because it is what we have, but who we are travels with us when we leave our shell of a body. The thought alone of what happens to us raises more questions than you can imagine. I had a list on my bookmark of things I wanted to find out from my readings such as what we look like or if we age. The important thing to keep in mind is that what we do here in our living life carries on to our after life. Just knowing that there is an after changed my way of thinking. Being a prisoner of my own anxieties had taken a tole on me over the past year. I was scared for every body I could think of. My mind would race at night because I knew that when I was sleeping I couldn't protect myself or the ones I care about. Reading this book has made me breathe a little easier. The sky looks a little bluer and living so much more valuable. I am learning that life is about energy and what we do with it. I can remember what I used to fear about death. I would miss the connections with the people, places, and things I loved. I found this to be particularly stronger when I fell in love with my boyfriend, Peter. Before him I wasn't really scared about much, but as our relationship progressed I couldn't even imagine not being able to feel that love... even in death. Death equalled darkness. Nothingness. I have always loved science so I adopted a lot of concrete logic (since I was craving for something to make sense) and all I could think of was a legitimate black out where everything in you just loses power like an old refrigerator. What I needed was a spiritual awakening; something that didn't have to do with theory, and I got one all because of this book. "Ghosts Among Us" is actually responsible for this blog. I needed to vent somewhere!

I am excited to share more about the book, and what I have been experiencing. I am trying my best to keep this chronological :)

Thanks for sticking with me!!

next blog--dreams and energy

*Visit James Van Praagh's website