tough times.

So we are approching the time of year where I first realized my dad was sick. It was Valentines Day last year when I stopped by his house to say hi and it seemed like he had a real bad cold or even the flu. I'm going through a lot of the crap that always seems to happen when someone dies... The course of action you wish you could have done or even the things you wish you said the last time you were with the person. This time of year, last year, I wish I could have told my dad not to take the tylenol and get to a doctor. I know the liver damage would have caught up to him eventually, but the tylenol poisoned his blood and sped up the process beyond belief. I wish I visited him in the hospital even MORE than I had when he was in Newport,becuase once he was in Boston the only day we were able to see him was the day his body went into shock. It sounds morbid, but I wish I stayed in the room when they turned off the machines on him and sang him a song which he always loved. I still feel good that I put his st.christopher pendant (the saint of travel)in his hand while he passed.
Now that I try to talk to him a lot, I wish I could have asked all the questions I could have when he was still here and I always ask that someday I will understand.
I always have to remember that these kinds of things happen to people everywhere all the time. It's incredible how much heartache we all walk around with.
For whatever reason this is my most personal blog and I apologize if some of you don't like it. Sometimes being sad is easier than always looking up. I had a dream about my Vavo a few days ago! It was so wonderful... She got out of a car and I just couldn't believe it was her. In the dream all I did was hug her over and over again.

AHHHH, class is starting.... got to go.
-J